


It's okay.

by moonanon



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-24 21:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonanon/pseuds/moonanon
Summary: Hi I uh. Don't usually write for my fan-stuffs, especially with the view to post it anywhere! So for all intents and purposes, this is my first! I hope you, the reader, enjoy it, and I'll definitely be writing more in the future! I enjoyed writing this piece, it felt personal the whole time, so I'm really happy to be posting it as my first. Thanks! ;w;





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I uh. Don't usually write for my fan-stuffs, especially with the view to post it anywhere! So for all intents and purposes, this is my first! I hope you, the reader, enjoy it, and I'll definitely be writing more in the future! I enjoyed writing this piece, it felt personal the whole time, so I'm really happy to be posting it as my first. Thanks! ;w;

Isa felt his body connect with the cold bathroom floor while wiping his wet, sore eyes on his arms. It’d been a while since an episode had hit him hard, and he felt he’d forgotten how to deal with them. He wasn’t one to storm home in the middle of his episodes, no matter how hard it was to bear. But this hit hard.

He could deal with politeness. He could deal with suggestion. But asking him to do anything without _suggesting_ he do it, or without politeness, spiralled him further than Lea knew how to help. He always felt like he was back there, having orders given to him to be promptly delivered to his friend, it _never_ helped when Roxas and Xion were in tow. _Surrounded by faces that were **there**_.

All he could do was run home, lock himself in the bathroom, and cry on the floor. He felt like a baby.

It hadn’t been, didn’t feel like, too long before he heard the front door to their home click open, then shut again. He could hear the kids talking in hushed voices, Lea shushing them when they got too loud. When did it get dark out? He could hear Lea and the kids shuffling about in the other rooms, everything was so deafeningly loud, almost surreal.

Isa moved to push his body firmly against the door near the handle, hoping to make it as hard as possible for Lea to get in if he tried. He always tried, and the last thing he needed was to be fussed over. He wanted to wallow in it, just for a bit. Perhaps it’d help. And then he thought about it:

The compulsion to obey orders; to get things done; to follow whom he felt was in charge, felt satisfied only when he followed through... but he wanted to ignore it, to make himself get over it, almost. …Though, if he ignores it- won’t this be a failure? Won’t their mission fall through? Would they find the _girl_? Would Axel- no, Lea- get hurt? A million questions about their situation ticked through his mind.

Isa brought his hands up to his shoulders and squeezed his eyes closed. He pressed his fingers into his shoulders in a desperate attempt to calm himself down and ground himself back to normalcy. He felt an ever-so-soft knock on the door.

“ _Isa_?” A delicate voice as ever.

Isa shuffled out of the way to allow Xion in. Initially confused by the lack of Isa, she pulled back the door to find him sat there, stuffed in the corner between the door and the cabinets. She crouched in front of him, softly grabbing onto his hands, pulling them away from his shoulders, resting them in his lap. It was the first time she’d decided to go against Lea’s recommendation of _leaving him alone_ to see if she could help. She had been drawn to Isa, and he to her- she _wanted_ to spend the time with him, to get to know him, to be someone useful instead of someone who seemed to make him worse.

She stared at him, just sitting with his shaking, hot hands in hers. She rubbed the back of his hands with her thumbs, enough pressure to soothe. His hands eventually untensed, while his body remain tensed. He felt better, but not present.

“Do you need anything? Water? Hug?” Xion squeezed his hands tightly, though still delicately. She angled her head lower to stare up, directly into his eyes, even if they were pressed closed. He blinked his eyes open, met hers with his, and shook his head slightly. His postured untensed some more.

Xion shuffled closer and moved onto her knees in front of him. Accentuating just how small she was compared to him. She felt it odd, to be a child comforting a grown man- she had no idea what she was doing- desperately hoping it was the right thing. Interesting, how something like this could turn an adult- a very fierce one at that- into a quiet, wet, shaking mess.

Despite what he told her, she moved to hug him anyway. It wasn’t often that she got to, he always seemed to shy away from getting close to her- he didn’t move accept to wrap his arms around her. He held her tightly. She held him right back, feeling her shoulder becoming much damper than it was a few seconds ago. “It’s okay,” she murmured into his mess of long hair. Was that the right thing to say? Was that what Lea would say? She hoped so. “It’s okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lea stood leaning against the wall, head bowed to the crack of where door meets frame, trying to listen in. His moderate annoyance over not being involved couldn’t outdo the love he felt for Xion as she attempted to calm Isa – something _he_ had struggled at in the best of times. There was little noise, only the odd sniffle and trembling sigh. It all felt like a good sign. Isa’s episodes had the likely potential to be full of screaming and growling when he went off alone.

Xion rubbed her hands up and down Isa’s back. He clung to her tightly, compressing her as close to him as possible. She needed him to let go. Really, the embrace was too tight, but _he_ needed this- so she let him have it with little resistance. _Some pains are good_ , she thought. A too-tight embrace from someone who needs one was one of those few.

Lea gave it a few more minutes before moving away from the door; a quiet moment was all that was needed, and he could respect that. He thought it best to begin work on tea, white tea, for both Xion and Isa- figuring they could _both_ use a pick-me-up.

He hadn’t been like this initially. Isa was all fun and games for a time and got on great with both Roxas and Xion equally. He snapped, one day, like a switch being flipped, and it all became difficult to deal with. Isa had- previously unpredictable- bouts of anger. Which at times felt like having Saïx back- usually when it resulted in him refusing to express anything else. The blank expression put everyone on edge. This alone gave way to Lea’s surprise of Xion comforting Isa.

Lea tried to recall how Isa had described it to him once- like being locked in a dream that you’ve had before, both familiar and unfamiliar, always hostile. He got locked in when _asked_. Asked to do _anything_ , told to do _anything_ \- he’d do it as soon as he could, and if he _couldn’t_ , he’d snap. Those _eyes,_ the _scar_ , you could almost see everything that had built up behind this, just in his face.

He had to execute orders immediately, stone-faced. (Xion especially found this unsettling, for reasons she could barely remember. _Lea had remembered.)_ Isa had to finish what was asked, or commanded, of him, or this would happen. To help himself, he pushed this down, tried to ignore it, _that wasn’t him anymore_. He didn’t have to do as he was told. He wanted to be **Isa.** But he felt in his heart, he had to act on his orders, or else.

 _Or else what? They’ll know. They’ll know he’s not authentic; he’s scheming._ They’re _scheming. Their plans. A plan? A plan. To save, to help, a girl. To free her. If he doesn’t execute, they’ll know about the plan to free the girl._ They’ll save her, he’ll have his heart, if he does what he’s told- right?

Lea remembered a conversation like so:  
“You need him to do something, suggest it to the whole group,”  
“Isn’t that going to make one of you do it?” Roxas had asked- it sounded like a lot of effort, rewording how you ask someone to do things.  
“Not if you both agree to it. Just pretend you didn’t hear it. Isa’s nice enough. He’ll roll his eyes and do it himself,”  
“And this… will help him?” Xion had only ever been focused on Isa being okay when he got like this. She was afraid of treading on hid toes, she felt it’d lead to an outburst. reprimanding? But couldn’t remember how, or why, she felt this way.  
“Figured he’s got a problem with being told what to do. So, don’t tell him. Let him choose to do it. Don’t forget.”

Lea snapped out of remembering and placed both of their teas on the table. He wrote Xion a note- “ _Will be in our room. If he wants alone time, come get blankets. Give him a hug from me_ (‘n Roxas’ was written above ‘me’ in a messier style than usual) _.”_ He didn’t know what to say when he wasn’t directly involved in the comforting, he almost felt left out. A little hopeless, yes, there’s only so much you can do anyway, and no one ever knows what will work.

“It’s okay,” Xion reassured him once more, “nothing needs to be done, you’re done for today. Work’s over.” She gave him a squeeze and pulled back. Isa let her and dropped his hands into his lap. He looked like a neglected toy to her, dropped by a child who’d loved him well; sat in a heap, glassy eyed.

He felt himself comeback slowly- felt the cold coming to his body after the warmth Xion had given him; noticed the reflection of the light on the tile floor; saw the colours of Xion’s clothing; the clean smell of the room; his own clothes on his fingertips. Isa felt less distant, more himself, more in control. He pulled his eyes up from the floor to look at Xion, avoiding her eyes, and managed a ‘thank you’.

Xion stood up slowly and tugged at Isa’s hand again. “I think Lea’s a step ahead of us, Isa. I can smell tea,” she gently nudged him with her foot to prompt him to stand and held his hand while he used his other to pull himself up.


	3. Chapter 3

Xion pulled the bathroom door open and encouraged Isa to come with her. She guided him to the table, pulled a chair for him to sit down, and hopped into her own next to him. The two hardly looked the part of a conventional family, but that hardly mattered. They sat in silence for a while, sipping their tea and looking anywhere but at each other. Isa was a still as could be, Xion shuffled her feet nervously. Her ankles itched from her shoes, but she didn’t want to leave him to take them off.

Isa tapped his fingers on the table repeatedly, loudly at that. Xion flinched with every especially hard tap. Time felt like it slowed to a crawl. Isa became increasingly frustrated with himself and having no sense of said time didn’t help. He gave a sigh and sunk back in his chair. The feeling of being stuck in a daze was slowly fading. “What time even is it?” He gave in to ask – he didn’t sound angry, just disappointed – this put Xion at ease for the first time tonight.  
“Ten, or somewhere around there… It was twenty-to when you came home. It’s not been that long since...” she trailed off, unsure how to refer to his episodes- Lea never discussed it with them in a very knowledgeable manner. “…You went off, by yourself.”  
Isa finished off his tea, and sat stiff after; “I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking down into his lap. “You didn’t need to deal with that.”  
“I- I wanted to,”  
“Don’t want to,” he almost snarled, “it’s not nice for you to- I mean, it is nice of you, but you shouldn’t have to.”  
It felt like a warning without the hostility, she felt she’d been accustomed to it once. She simply nodded in response and sat back in her chair, like him.  
The air felt tense, but only almost uncomfortable. “Are you sleeping alone tonight? Lea said to get blankets if you-“  
“No, it’s okay. I’ll see Lea. Don’t think I can fall out with him for long before he gets desperate for company.” Xion smiled and looked up at him. Isa smirked back. “ _You_ should get to bed. You did much more than you needed today. I’m grateful, but don’t stress yourself like that.” Him caring for _her_ felt odd- unexpected, at least.

She nodded and finished up her tea, pushing her chair back away from the table. She thought, for a second, to ask if he’d be okay- but left it there, not wanting a more in-depth ‘Isa Lecture’ about worrying herself. “Goodnight, Isa. I hope you feel better in the morning.” She stood a while longer fiddling with the hair that sat on his shoulders, before padding off to her room.  
“Night,” he called back, leaning onto the table by his elbows. He felt raw, now that he was alone – but it helped him realise how much better she’d helped him feel.

Xion clicked her door closed and flopped onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She’d knew Isa’s words were right, but couldn’t help thinking on them- she didn’t need to help him, Lea _could_ deal with it, but that’s what families did, right? Care for each other? She supposed it was her first experience in a family- maybe that wasn’t how they act. She’d ask Lea when she remembered to tomorrow, she took Isa’s words on and figured she’s done enough for today.

Lea’s head shot up from the pillow when he heard his own door open and gave a warm smile to Isa as he entered. It was hard to explain how someone so well-loved could look so tender, but that’s exactly how Isa looked to Lea; tender and delicate. He patted the bed in front of him, and Isa shuffled over, practically falling onto the bed next to Lea, curling up into his chest. Lea wrapped his arms over him and pressed him close. Enough words had been exchanged for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for reading so far! It means a whole lot, and everybody's encouragement has meant the world! ⁽⁽◝( ˙ ꒳ ˙ )◜⁾⁾  
> My big inspiration for this chapter has been Baby Blue by Deafheaven, and while it may not be everyone's cup of tea- that's really it!  
> Thanks again for the support, it's really done a lot for my motivation and enthusiasm! 💜


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with more internal struggles!

Being the first to rise, Lea pulled Isa into his chest. Isa had only managed to roll mere inches away from Lea’s heavy, sleep-fuelled death-grasp in the night. “Leeme arrn,” Lea looked down at the muffled sound coming from his chest and let go of Isa, letting him shuffle back to his side of the bed.  
“Wanna repeat that?”  
“Leave me alone.”  
Lea pouted at him and firmly prodded him in the arm – repeatedly. “After last night? You couldn’t make me if you bit my hands off,” Isa had his face half-buried in the blanket. All Lea could see were _very_ aggressive eyes staring up at him. “ _When,_ you bite my hands off.”

Isa rolled to his other side and pulled the blanket over his face, willing his dumb boyfriend to go away – he loved him and wanted his company, and only his, but he felt rough. Almost hungover. Shutting out the entire world felt like the right thing to do, _for my sanity and everyone else’s_ , he thought. He felt Lea climb over him to get out of bed, “You’ve got ten minutes,” Lea warned, pulling yesterday’s pants and shirt on, “any longer and I’ll send Roxas to do that- that, uh, water- water-something. Waterga. Right in your direction.” Isa threw the blanket off himself and at Lea- it fell short and landed at his feet.  
“Were you serious about having your hands bitten off? Because if you _dare,_ you’ll lose more than that,” said in almost a growl, as if he thought it’d deter him from anything.  
Lea chuckled at Isa and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. “ _Ooh_ , scary.” He turned to begin to leave the room, and stopped in the doorway, “you could come get a coffee from me, say hi to the terrible twosome, _then_ get back in bed,” He then left, going to make said coffee.

Isa rolled over once more, stretched out his whole body, and groaned to himself. _Just get a coffee. Say hi. Go back to bed_. Seemed simple enough- minimal interaction, and minimal imposing his worries on others. He pushed himself to sit up and rested his head in his hands for a few seconds, rubbing his eyes in the process. He sat with his hands in his lap for a few minutes- which felt like an eternity to him- while staring into nothing. Eventually sighing and pulling himself around, he got up, changed his clothes from last night, and went to meet Lea in their kitchen.

He hadn’t even realised Roxas and Xion were already at the table and startled when they greeted him in unison. He exchanged pleasantries back, hardly aware he was doing so, _unsure if he was doing so_ , got his coffee from Lea (who wrapped an arm around him and squeezed), before sulking back off to the room, kicking the door closed on the way there. It took him a little while to realise, yeah, that did happen, as if the presence of the coffee cup in his hand wasn’t a big enough assurance.

Isa put the coffee down while bending to pick up the blanket. For his self-care, he grabbed the cushions dotted around the bottom of the bed and Lea’s pillow, arranging them in a very chunky, nest-like way. He flapped out the blanket, climbed into his comfort nest, and pulled the blanket over him. Now _this_ was the way to sleep after a rough night- especially when you felt quite small, fragile, and otherwise as if you needed to be padded like a couch. Although, he couldn’t easily reach his coffee now. Axel, no, Lea, would’ve called that a bummer. Isa smirked to himself.

He had to be glad for something- Roxas had the sense to keep his distance. It _had_ started to feel like everyone was going to take turns loving him until he was forced to feel better. Though he had to admit, he liked spending quiet time with Xion. _We should do that more,_ he thought. He fidgeted with his own fingers. _She’d be the last one who should care_. He felt his throat constrict. _After how I treated her._ He swallowed back what he felt on the subject, the last thing he needed to do was wind himself up while he was trying to soothe himself. He wanted to apologise, but it seemed as if Xion couldn’t remember the specifics of their previous relationship, and the last thing he wanted was to cause a situation where they lived together, and she felt uncomfortable around him. He could deal with feeling uncomfortable around her in the meantime. It still seemed irresponsible for her to not know. He’d talk it through with her someday. _Self-care day is not that day_ , he finally decided. 


End file.
